#31 Thailand part 10 - Trouble in paradise

After the mixed bag that was Phuket and Koh Phi Phi I was desperate to find somewhere to stay for a while to relax properly.

Sadly that was easier said than done. The time I spent on Koh Phangan coincided with election time in New Zealand and for some reason myself and a lot of my friends felt incredibly emotionally invested in the result. It felt so personal and our general optimisim and happiness was on the line.

Since it's so easy to stay connected to everyone these days I wasn't strong enough to avoid the news or the messages from friends. In fact I actively searched for updates and discussions about what was going on.

It sounds so stupid but even though I was half way around the world and there wasn't anything I could do about it, when the results came in to say we had a hung parliament, I couldn't help but feel a surge of disappointment.

How could this be? Everyone had been so hopeful and yet things were so, so close. A weight settled heavily on my heart and even though I really loved Koh Phangan and was staying at a really great place with dorms for $NZD 4 a night, I still couldn't fully relax and enjoy its natural beauty.

I spent a lot of time lying on beaches worrying about things I could do nothing about. If got bored of that I'd worry about the amount of rubbish on the island. After I'd exhausted that topic, I'd stress over my finances, or my future career, or over America and North Korea, or the benefit system in New Zealand. It was all very unproductive and useless.

Despite feeling a bit blue, I carried on searching for experiences that would distract me. One day I hired a scooter and explored the island and another day I rented a mask and snorkel. These activities gave me some temporary relief. I visited a vegan resturant that Super Chill Mumbai Guy told me to visit and passed on a hug to the owner from him. There were so many vegan and vegetarian resturants that I decided I would do a meat detox whilst I was there. For some reason it just felt like the right thing to do even though I'm a stubborn Omnivore.

The whole experience was a good example of how even though life might look fantastic from the outside it's whats going on inside that really makes a difference. I wanted to write about it in the interest of being completely honest in this blog. In this age where everyone has a personal online brand I think its more important than ever to stay as grounded and authentic as possible.

Thankfully after mulling over all the problems in the world for a few days I eventually did find some kind of inner - peace and with that I left the island and arrived back in Surat Thani.

Here I met a girl from Singapore. Even though I'm becoming more and more cynical about these short term travel friendships, as long as you manage to get all the small talk out of the way early on, these brief encounters can be really rewarding.

Thankfully she was also keen to discuss things on a deeper level and we spent the day together drinking coffee, going to the bank to transfer baht to my NZ account and talking about life, love, travel, teaching and everything in between.

It was amazing how just having a good conversation completely dragged me out of the funk I'd been stuck in for the past few weeks.

It was also interesting experiencing Thailand through her eyes. She looked like she could be Thai and even though she couldn't speak the language she got local prices for things whereas when I asked I was given the tourist price. All this because of the colour of our skin!

I'd found a great workaway opportunity on Cat Ba Island in the North of Vietnam where I could write content for a website in return for free accomodation, food, and some free tours. I had already booked my flight to Ho Chi Minh because I'd done no research about Vietnam at all and just liked the idea of visiting a city I'd heard a little bit about from friends.

I was mostly looking forward to saying 'Goooooooood morning Vietnam' everytime I woke up and finding out how much dong (Vietnam's currency) I could get for my dollar, along with all the other dong jokes I planned on fitting into my days.

Little did I know there were many more exciting things to do in Vietnam than making dong jokes, shouting unoriginal movie references and listening to Billy Joel's Goodnight Saigon on repeat.

So on the 29th of September I said my farewells to Thailand after almost 5 months and boarded a plane to Ho Chi Vegas ready for a new chapter.

View from Haad Chao Phao Resort on Koh Phangan. Ridiculously cheap dorms, close to a beautiful beach, perfectly chilled atmosphere and this girl still couldn't relax.

#30 Thailand part 9 - The heights of hedonism and feeling crabby in Krabi

It's funny how the universe provides us exactly what we need when we need it. Literally as I was finishing off my last blog and wondering what I was doing with my life, in walked yet another important stone in this pathway.

I'll call her temporary but meaningful friend (T.B.M.F) for short. She had the same vibe as the Mumbai friends I'd met in Pushkar at Holi and it turned out that she had travelled around India for three months and spent time at some of the same places Super Chill Mumbai Guy had. She was teaching English as well but was almost finished and about to head back to England.

We had a lot in common and spent the afternoon chilling down by the river drinking Leo beer chatting about everything. Somehow the conversation kept coming back to India. She made me realise how much I missed India and wanted to go back.

Just chatting with her helped everything become clear. There was no point visiting Cambodia and Laos if my heart wasn't really in it.

She also convinced me the best way to see Chiang Rai was by scooter so the next day I braved up and hired one. I'm so glad I did because it meant I got out of the town and could explore on my own terms without any guide telling me where to go and what to do.

First I visited a waterfall about an hour away which was beautiful and very peaceful. It was blissful to walk in the jungle on my own and reconnect with nature. There's really nothing like it. Afterwards I felt better than I had done since I left Phibun.

I also visited the famous white temple which was touristy but enjoyable nonetheless. I felt so free having the scooter and decided to keep it for the next day as well.

That evening T.B.M.F and I went to a cat cafe. It was bizarre.The cats seemed very serene but also very haughty. They knew everyone there was desperate for their attention, and being cats, they milked that for all it was worth. There was even a very sad looking one wearing a sweater which pretty much summed up the vibe of the place. It wasn't a natural environment for a cat and I regretted supporting such an establishment but my cat cravings were too much.

Later T.B.M.F and I went to the mall just for something to do. We wandered around but couldn't find anything particularly interesting so got some steamed buns and made our way home on the scooter as the rain stung our faces.

We spent the rest of the evening chatting about life and watching a TED talk. The next morning T.B.M.F had to head back to her village so we said our farewells. As I left her parting words were 'Go to India!'

Later that day I booked my tickets to Phuket and set in motion some plans to go to India in mid October. Every time I think of it I feel a little pang of excitement in my stomach so I know it must be the right decision.

The decision to go to Phuket was mainly to see the famous Maya Bay. This was the beach in the Leonardo DiCaprio film called 'The Beach.' I had been warned that it was incredibly touristy so I figured I would go in and out as fast as I could. It wasn't a very practical thing to do, location wise, but I knew if I didn't satisfy my curiosity I would regret it.

I also visited an interesting contemporary art gallery called The Black House on the scooter and then chilled in my dorm for the rest of the afternoon.

The next day I flew to Phuket. When I arrived I had a feeling I had made a mistake. It was very built up and the people seemed very fed up with tourists even though it was still low season. I took a gamble and bought a bus ticket to a part of the island called Patong. I had done zero research before I landed but when I arrived in Patong it was confirmed that this was not what I was looking for.

The streets were filled with sweaty sunburnt men in wife beaters holding beers and talking loudly in mostly Australian accents. There were sleezy looking massage parlours everywhere you looked and bars pumping loud obnoxious music into the streets.

I asked one man where a cheap quietish place to stay could be found. He gave me a weird look and replied "You want somewhere quiet?! Then don't stay anywhere around here." The way he said it made it clear I was very much in the wrong place. This was no place for sleeping. This was a place to leave your morals at the door and have fun at the expense of everything else.

I found a cheap hostel just off the main strip and chatted to two nice Australian girls who had just finished high school and were on their O.E. I was starving after a day of travel with no meal breaks so I headed down the road in search for food. Everything was really expensive and mostly western style resturants.

After a bite to eat I wanted to sit on the beach and soak in the sea air whilst reading a book. Even that wasn't as relaxing as I hoped. There were strange men who seemed to be either drunk or high wandering along the beach and women trying to sell package deals and rip off sunglasses. I stayed on the beach until dark appreciating the sound of the ocean after being landlocked for over four months. For an island dweller that's a long time to be away from the ocean!

I watched people wander along in their groups taking selfies and swinging their selfie sticks around to get the perfect angle. Later I went for a longer walk along the streets. I bought an ice cream from a street vendor and ate it sitting by myself on the dark beach again. I felt very disconnected like I had just arrived on an alien planet.

Eventually I ended up at a mall in the same family as the one we had in Ubon and decided to go in just for some sense of normality. I noticed the movie IT was playing in English at 9.40pm and thought why the heck not. I'd been dying to see it and there didn't seem to be anything else I wanted to do in Patong.

So I took myself off to the movies and it was the best decision I had made all day! It was one of the most enjoyable horror films I'd seen in a very long time and made me feel slightly more connected to people back home since all my friends had been talking about it.

Halfway through the film at a non - scary point a woman screamed and yelled "there's a rat in here!" Sure enough there was a big ol' rat running around the theatre. That set the scene perfectly for the film is shot mostly in sewers. It was a wonderful addition to the whole experience.

When IT finished an Australian couple and I got lost trying to find our way out of the mall after hours. By the time we made it out it had started to pour with rain. I had apparently walked further than I realised and it took me a good 40 minutes in torrential rain to get back to my hostel. Even though by this stage it was 12.40 in the morning there were still plenty of people around and tuk tuk drivers trying to tempt me into getting a ride. I stubbornly refused and squelched on past every single one of them much to their disbelief.

I finally made it back to the hostel completely saturated and wide awake to find everyone else fast asleep in the dorm. I had to quietly wring out my dress and hang it up dry before stealthily hopping into bed.

The following morning I had arranged to get a ferry to Koh Phi Phi Island where the beach from the film The Beach is located. That was really the main reason for coming after all and since I wasn't a fan of Patong I figured there was no point staying any longer than I had to.

I was filled with hope when I first stepped foot on Ko Phi Phi. For one there was no traffic and the beaches seemed nice and swimmable. However, the longer I stayed, the more that old alienated feeling began to creep over me. It was the same as Patong. People came here for two things, to get drunk and to forget their worries.

I found a dark, cheap little dorm and dropped my bags, before heading to the beach. There didn't seem to be much shade available but I found a tiny little tree and managed to fold myself into the smallest patch of shade known to man. It was quite comical really but I was desperate to avoid getting sunburnt.

I had fully intended on reading but the human activity was much more interesting. There was couple arguing as they walked along the beach.
I over-heard the man say to the woman "I wish you wouldn't bring this up now. I can't change that and we are supposed to be having a nice holiday."

It made me so curious about what he had done and very glad to not have to deal with those kinds of squabbles. It's better to be alone than with the wrong person after all.

It also seemed to sum up the whole vibe of the island. It looked very beautiful on the surface but the cracks were starting to show. The water was polluted, the beaches over crowded and even climbing up to the viewpoint cost money!

I climbed up anyway and found a semi-quiet spot to watch the sunset. It wasn't long before I was joined by, it must have been at least 70, other people and a couple sitting next to me who kept shouting "go pro! Take a photo!" instead of asking someone to take their picture. A person above me decided to let off their drone and it buzzed around like an oversized, very irritating, blow fly.

I perservered, gritting my teeth, and becoming more and more depressed with every selfie click I heard.

I did wonder if perhaps everyone was thinking the same thing though.

It's like we all knew we'd ruined it. The paradise that was once The Beach and everything it stood for has now become exactly what the community in the movie feared would happen. The bitter, bitter irony.

The man in the TED talk I watched with TBMF said the sickness of the west is because we've lost our connection with spirituality. I don't think he meant literally a god or a spirit but that calmness that comes with really knowing yourself. We as a society don't know ourselves or how to find happiness.

Koh Phi Phi is a hedonistic paradise. I'm usually all for hedonism as long as it doesn't negatively impact others or the environment but it seemed on this island it was fun over everything else. I've never felt more alienated and out of place than I did in Patong and Phi Phi.

Again I decided to just get in and get out. I booked a boat trip that would take me to see Maya Bay and then a ferry off the island to Krabi a few hours later. I didn't want to stay a minute longer than I had too.

I'd done a few of these boat snorkel trips before so I knew what to expect. The lady who sold me the boat ticket also warned me that it cost an extra 400 baht to even get off the boat at Maya Bay.

It would be fine if this was meant as a detterent to keep the beach cleaner and less crowded but it didn't seem to work. It just meant only rich people could drop their litter in the national park.

The rest of the people on our boat didn't get off either. We all sat in mildly annoyed silence for about an hour as we turned slowly green from the rocking of the boat. This was definitely the darkest timeline.

I stuck my head out the side of the boat and tried to imagine what the beach would be like with no people. Sometimes I just about succeeded but it was never long before I was snapped out of it by some rich people's carefree happy squeals from the beach or the roar of a motor as a new boatful of tourists arrived.

I watched a number of women parade themselves in bikinis whilst their husband's or boyfriends followed along trying to capture the perfect instagram shot. The pictures probably looked amazing when they cropped out all the other people but I knew the ugly truth behind them.

I felt bad for feeling so negative about the whole thing. I was at supposedly one of the most beautiful beaches in world and all my thoughts were so bitter and unhealthy. Perhaps the problem was with me. Everyone else seemed to be having a great time. But couldn't they see what was happening?

We visited yet another monkey bay before Maya Bay. There must be 1000's called that across SE Asia. The lack of originality in the naming even started to annoy me. I'm sure it had a Thai name but the locals obviously thought the tourists didn't want or need to know it.

The driver brought us so close to the trees several of the monkeys leapt into the boat. The driver threw the biggest male one a bottle of orange cordial. He opened it with no problem as if he had done it 1000 times before (and I'm sure he had). When he was done he tossed the bottle aside and went looking for more food like a spoilt child. One little monkey found a bag of rubbish under a seat and proceeded to rip it open. When a lady went to stop it, it screeched angrily, and she gave up for fear of being bitten. The monkey then decided there was nothing good to eat anyway and tossed the bag into the ocean. Thankfully the driver had the sense to climb down and retrieve the rubbish.

It was difficult to enjoy the encounter when everything inside me was screaming "this should not be happening!" The monkeys were chewing on plastic, drinking sugary drinks and plastic bags, polystyrene and bottles bobbed along beside us in the clear, turquoise waters.

I wondered if anyone else was having as much trouble enjoying themselves as I was. Perhaps we were all secretly shocked but because we were all feeling lucky to be on holiday and out of our little offices we didn't want to complain out loud for fear of sounding ungrateful.

Weirdly this rubbish affected me on a deeper level than anything I've seen before including severe poverty. In India I felt like people were genuinely happy you were visiting the country but here I got the feeling the local people of Ko Phi Phi only tolerated the tourists because they relied on them for an income but they weren't blind to the impact it was having on their home and community.

Ko Phi Phi wasn't real Thailand. It's a strange global village where people come to be as vulgar and carefree as they want and then leave the locals to clean up the mess.

I was so tired from all the snorkelling and the sun I slept most of the ferry ride to Krabi. I woke up when we arrived feeling quite confused because time seemed to fly.

My ferry ticket included a bus ride to Krabi town and by this stage this was the perfect place for me. I was already very much in crabby town. However it was quite refreshing to be somewhere that felt like the same Thailand I had been living in for the last four months.

I hadn't booked anywhere to stay again and was wandering along the street when I saw a hostel advertising cheap rooms. They were even screening Season 7 of Game of Thrones. I was sold immediately! I got a room to myself for the price of a dorm which was bliss after several days of dorms.

I spent the next day in my room writing, doing laundry and booking my bus ticket to Koh Phangan which Super Chill Mumbai Guy reccomended.

I realised I was probably feeling so alienated because I hadn't had any meaningful human interaction for several days. Most of the interaction I had had involved some kind of monetary transaction. The majority of people I had spoken to were wanting to sell me something and I'm sure this was the reason for my crabbyness. Somehow deep down these interactions are not fulfilling and I'm convinced this is part of the reason capitalism can make us so unhappy.

Despite the negative feelings the last few days have evoked I believe that every experience, good or bad, serves a purpose and this experience will serve as motivation to be a tidier kiwi and to make cleaner, greener choices in the future. It would be truely awful if the paradise in our own back yard turned into the same kind of tacky tourist trap.

On the surface Koh Phi Phi looks like paradise but it's when you look a little closer the cracks begin to appear.

The White Temple, Chiang Rai

Another example of how pictures really don't speak 1000 words. Just down the beach a bar is blasting obnoxious music and sweaty, drunk men stumble around in the sun. Relaxing!

#29 Thailand part 8: A series of hellos and goodbyes.

I recently crossed paths with a man who told me that travel is the real world and working and living in one place is not.

I tend to think travelling is a magical inbetween time that stays with a person through the mundaneity of real life as a reminder that it doesn't always have to be that way. There is an escape if you are lucky enough to be born with the right passport.

I once thought it would be fun to travel long-term. Every time you got a bit bored you could move on and experience that rush of waking up in a city or town you know very little about. However, having met and said goodbye to a string of different people already in only seven short months, I'm not sure it really is a fulfilling way of living. I think it would be naive to want to travel alone forever.

Sure it can be amazing. You meet all kinds of people that you would never cross paths with if you stayed at home but equally each friendship is brief and hurried.

The relationships travellers form rarely have the chance to become deeper or meaningful but equally the tempoary nature of them makes them more intense. Each encounter is one stone in the pavement that makes up the whole path.

Even in the last week since I left Phibun Mangsahan I have already met and farewelled a number of people. In saying that - the ones I'm about to tell you about must have made enough of an impression on me to want to immortalise them in this blog.

Saying goodbye to LS was rough after seeing each other almost every day for four months. But we were lucky to have formed a friendship that meant enough for it to be painful to say goodbye to.

I took a night bus from Phibun Mangsahan to Bangkok which takes around 11-13 hours. I sincerely hope the more night busses you take the more character building it is because I really can't see any other advantages.

The seats were so uncomfortable and a woman nearby kept letting out the most astonished sneezes as if she couldn't quite believe her body would do that to her. I had to suppress my giggles and I missed having someone to laugh with. I knew LS would have found it funny too.

When we finally arrived in Bangkok the driver kindly delivered me as close to my hostel as he could. As soon as I arrived I was no longer tired and decided to head into the city to have a look around. It wasn't long before I had been engulfed in a sea of black clothed dedicated royalists visiting the grand palace. (Thai people wear black out of respect for the former king who died almost a year ago). It was quite a spectacle.

I managed to get swept along by a few Japanese tour groups to see where they were going. It turned out there was a tourist entry gate but to get into the actual palace cost 500 baht. I decided I wasn't that desperate so made my way back out again trying not to get my eyes poked out by a sea of sun umbrellas. It was only 10am and I'd already sweated through my shirt.

Next I visited the reclining buddah which I'd heard a lot about. It was impressively enormous. Somehow I then ended up walking to a pier and catching a boat across the river to see another temple. By this stage I was starting to get a little delirious from the heat and the lack of sleep so I'm not sure how much I really took in. All I remember was that the buddah in this temple was also very big and there was a big ugly car park in front of it. It was much older and more run down than any others I'd seen and truthfully I had  no idea why I was there or what the significance of this particular temple was.

I decided I'd had enough sight seeing for one day so I caught a taxi back to the hostel and slept until dinner time. Sadly the hostel was not in a very good area and the only food place within walking distance was 7/11. So I filled up on a very sad ham and cheese toasty and went to bed again.

The next morning I packed up and went in search of a more central hostel. I took a taxi to Khao San road and walked until I found the quieter back streets. This time I knew the price range of dorm I could expect and wouldn't settle for anything over 160 baht. Eventually I found a very modest looking hostel named, very originally, Place Inn. They offered dorms for 150 baht per night ($6).

When I was shown to the dorm I was already sweating profusely and had to change another shirt. It was only 10am again. I would have to spend half my budget on laundry at this rate.

I could hear someone snoring softly as I put my bag away and soon a shirtless man who had a striking resemblance to the laughing buddah appeared sitting by the window. He looked at me in surprise before taking himself off to the bathroom.

I then went in search for a taxi to take me to the floating markets which had been on my bucket list. The markets are about an hour and a half out of Bangkok and I managed to get a good deal on a taxi ride all the way there and back. Unfortunately I didn't realise they have a policy that means you cannot share a boat when you get there.

At first I didn't believe the taxi driver when he told me this. It just didn't seem right. However when we got there the woman selling the tickets insisted I had to pay for a whole boat for myself which was more than $80 NZD. She could see I was very close to asking the driver to take me back to Bangkok because I felt a little tricked into parting with an unexpectedly large sum of cash so she gave me a slight discount for a shorter ride and I decided I may as well just pay since we had come all this way.

After that little shock I was in a bad mood and didn't feel like buying anything else at the markets. So the poor boat driver had to drive me around as I shook my head at all the vendors trying to entice me in. It would have been nice to support the local economy but I really didn't need/want/have room in my bag for any souvenirs.

At one stage I got a glimpse of an enormous python that was being kept in a bag and taken out for photo opportunities and an adorable bush baby who was also being used for the same reason but both would have involved pushy people wanting me to pay to have a closer look. I kept a very neutral face as we slid past in the boat even though I was dying to see them.

So, having blown my budget for about a weeks worth of food and accomodation on my second day in Bangkok, I retreated with my tail between my legs and ate a very cheap meal of Pad Thai before retiring to the hostel to lick my wounds.

When I returned, Mr Laughing Buddah man was up and about, and came to sit on the bed across from me for a chat. He was interested in New Zealand and our politics and he told me he had been arrested twice for being involved with demonstrations against the government when he was younger. He struck me as a rarity in Thailand. He was most definitely an independent thinker which isn't something that is encouraged here from what I've seen so far. Some of my students couldn't even tell me their favourite colour because they were afraid it would be different to their classmates.

Mr Laughing Buddah had studied at two different universities and told me his father had given him the name Peetha which meant intelligence because he was afraid his son would grow up stupid. Mr Laughing Buddah man was a delight to chat with and we exchanged email addresses and he invited me to visit him in his home town if I was ever passing through.

I never did get a straight answer out of him about why he was staying in a very cheap dorm on Khao San Road at the age of 75. If I didn't have a hand drawn map in my Lonely Planet and a photo of the Thai words he told me to say to monkeys ("Ling, long" which supposedly means "Monkey, come down") I would wonder if I had imagined him.

The next day I wanted to see some modern art galleries but, as luck would have it, it was a Monday and many were closed. There was one open called the Jim Thompson house. I had never heard of this man before but I was intrigued when I read that one day he dissapeared without a trace when walking in the Cameron Highlands in Malaysia. They searched for his body for 10 years and found nothing. His house was beautifully preserved and contained many interesting pieces of art that he collected throughout his time in SE Asia.

After that short excursion I made my way back to my hostel and waited until it was time to catch a sleeper train to Chiang Mai.

It's safe to say I'm now a definite sleeper train convert. The beds are so comfortable and you are gently rocked to sleep by the train as it sways along the track. To make things even better you wake up in a brand new place and we were greeted by lush fields of rice and the misty mountains that surround Chiang Mai.

I hadn't booked anywhere to stay this time either because I figured it was so touristy it wouldn't take long to find a nice place. Luck was on my side that day and I wandered past a nice little backpackers with ridiculously cheap dorms. I was just setting down my bags when a friendly American girl struck up conversation and we spent the rest of the day together wandering around the temples and chilling in the park. We even got a fish foot spa which tickled almost unbearably!

That evening we met up with her Spanish friend who she had met at a mindfulness camp a few weeks earlier. They were both very passionate about meditation and invited me to join them for a talking circle that evening.

This involved each participant listing the highlight of their day and then answering one question designed to help travellers connect on a deeper level than the usual "where are you from, where are you going" conversation.

The Spanish man and I then had dinner together where the conversation was equally intense. Afterwards the American girl and I went to a Jazz bar for a while and then came home for an early night.

The next morning over breakfast the Spanish man told me about his interest in astrology and proceeded to make me an astrology chart. It did present me with some things that I hadn't considered problems before and left me with lots of things to think about.

When they left the hostel for their next destination I rented a push bike and decided to cycle to a waterfall they had visited on scooters the day before. The Spanish man told me it wasn't really a place one could cycle to as it was too far. Something in me wanted him to be wrong. I didn't want the things he told me regarding the astrology chart to be true either. So in a weird way that was the driving factor behind wanting to prove him wrong. So I did. At the expense of my body I might add. I cycled 23 kilometres there and 23 kilometres back on a rickety old push bike with no gears. I hadn't done any excercise for the past four months and several times I didn't think I would make it but a mixture of determination, stubbornness and curiosity prevailed.

The waterfall was in a national park and was made up of 10 levels. Even though my legs were dead when I arrived I still wanted to climb all the way to the top and I was surprised that my body let me. It really made me realise that the mind is the strongest muscle. It didn't matter that I was pushing my body harder than it wanted. My brain decided where it wanted to go and the legs had no choice but to follow.

I returned to the hostel that evening tired but very pleased I made it home in one piece.

Another American girl was staying in the dorm along with another older Spanish man. The second American girl had just finished a stint working in a refugee camp in France and was waiting until she could find a new camp to go to. She had some awful stories that almost brought tears to my eyes. She'd seen the best and worst of humanity in the one place. People that, out of desperation, had lost all sense of compassion whilst others gave everything they had for a chance at a better life for their families.

The next morning I took my time in deciding what to do. It's taking a while to realise that I don't have a schedule I need to stick to this time. The freedom is almost unsettling. I decided to catch a bus to Chiang Rai and see what all the fuss was about. It was surprisingly easy and I was on a bus by midday for the three hour long journey. Again I hadn't booked any where to stay and I decided I didn't want to take a tuk tuk either. I stubbornly refused all the drivers offers and headed off towards where I thought the main tourist strip would be.

I found a reasonably priced room and chilled there for a bit until my stomach was growling and I needed to find some dinner. After I found a place to eat I bumped into a Dutch man who had been on the same bus as me and we ended up going to the night bazaar together.

It turned out that he had some very interesting ideas about global politics and I soon discovered that he didn't agree with anything I said and I had a sneaky suspicion it was because I was younger than him and female. I did what I usually do in these situations and just played along for fun.

He gave me a whole history lesson and told me there's no point in voting because everyone in power is actually part of either the Freemasons or the illuminati even Jacinda Ardern! At this point I had to ask how that was possible since she was a woman and the Freemasons are only for men. He relpied that there are many different strands of these groups and they are all as bad as each other. It was a very interesting conversation and I learnt more about middle aged men and their feelings of superiority over young females than he will ever know. He also seemed to think he had the whole world figured out and was letting me in on a big secret.

I don't know if he realised that I was subtly taking the mickey by asking lots of questions disguised as childlike fascination. It's my favorite game to play with older men who have large egos.

The next morning I stayed in bed as long as possible. I was having trouble deciding exactly what to do next. It's all very well having no plans if you have a vague idea about where you want to go and people to discuss it with but when you are on your own it's sometimes difficult to decide on doing anything! I moved to a cheaper dorm and visited the Hilltribe museum to try to learn more about these mysterious people. It was very interesting and made me glad I didn't go on any treks in Chiang Mai to see the villages as tourism has almost ruined their culture. Some tribes are actually imported by businessmen for tourism from Myanmar. They are essentially human zoos and I decided I don't feel comfortable supporting that.

I spent the rest of the day laying on my bed in an empty dorm room trying to figure out a rough plan of action.

Sometimes I'm so grateful to have been born into a culture that encourages free thinking but on days like these I do wish I had someone to tell me what to do.

So the first week of being an unemployed, homeless traveller again passed by with string of brief but intense encounters. There were wise men and men who thought they were wise, a fair few kilometres travelled, a bruised behind and the excitement and trepidation that comes with a completely open schedule. Who knows what the next chapter will bring.

The famous reclining buddah, Bangkok.

Wat's that you say? Another wat? 

Mr Laughing Buddahs Thai notes for me - Place Inn, Bangkok.

Mae Sa waterfall, Chiang Mai.

Clock tower, Chiang Rai.

#28 Thailand part 7: A fire in my belly (and no it's not because I ate some bad chicken)

It's a dreary Sunday morning in Phibun Mangsahan. I can hear the forlorn sound of a rooster crowing in the distance and the occasional whirr of a skilsaw as a new flat is being built next door. A cup of very average instant coffee is steaming beside me.

Despite the romantic ideas I fed myself with about travel I've realised you can never escape the mundaneity of the everyday. You can only learn to embrace it and that, quite frankly, is a relief. Once you've managed that you can stop running.

I have to admit during the last month and a bit my brain has been in New Zealand following the election news. Everyday there have been new campaign promises, policies, interviews, live press conferences, posed photos and opinions splashed across my newsfeed.

Some opinions have sparked heated debates between me and my friends and politics has been the topic of most recent conversations.

If there is one thing that's finally sunk in over the last few months, it is the amount of room for improvement there is in New Zealand at the moment, despite us having a comparatively high standard of living.

There I was, desperate to get out of New Zealand and volunteer in Nepal, when there is so much work to be done in our own back yard. My mother told me this before I left and she was right (as usual) but I guess sometimes you have to experience things for yourself before you fully understand.

Travel has definitely made me glad to call NZ home and the recent conversations have made me want to protect what we have and stop things slipping back any further. When I return I'll endeavour to harness some of the anger that's been stirred up and use it as motivation to actually DO something instead of just talking about it.

I've also been thinking a lot about empathy and what it means. It's been something that's come up a lot lately.

The more you learn about the world and the obstacles people face, naturally, the more understanding you gain. Simply being exposed to people who are different to you can change your perspective and this is why travel can be so eye opening.

At the same time I think empathy is something that doesn't necessarily have to come from experience. Just because you haven't experienced something yourself doesn't mean you can't try to understand it. This was a discussion that came up a lot with my friends and in the media recently. It was leading the national conversation about what kind of world we want to live in especially after Metiria Turei announced she had lied to WINZ in order to provide for her child. Her defendant's begged for the other camp to have some empathy.

Perhaps, because of the way our society is organised under capitalism, empathy isn't immediately financially rewarded and therefore we are taught to see it as weakness? I'd like to think that helping people up instead of kicking them when they are down leads to closer, happier, healthier communities, which results in a flourishing economy in the long run.

This conversation about what we value as a nation is so important and whilst we are on the subject I'll take this opportunity to remind everyone to vote on September 23rd! It's a privilege and throwing it away is an insult to everyone in the world who wishes they could vote but can't.

Back in Phibun there's only one more week of teaching left before I hit the road. It's weird to think I won't ever see my kids again. They'll grow up and go on to live lives I'll know nothing about. I'll miss them a lot.

It's always surprising the things you learn from each new experience. I never thought I'd learn so much about my own country whilst living in rural Thailand. Nor did I think I'd find out what lights that angry fire in my belly whilst being so far away from the things that light it.

So long Phibun Mangsahan! I'm glad we met. Another chapter almost over.

All you need is...

Helping out with a Saturday class at the 'I'm Growing' learning center.

#27 Thailand part 6: The boredom and the breeze

There was a breeze this evening just as the sun was dipping below the tree line. The air was gently perfumed with frangipani and the possibility of rain.

It was only when I noticed the breeze out the window that I realised how long it had been since there had been one. I walked down the road for a bit taking deep breaths and relishing in the coolness. The sky looked as if it were blushing and everything was quiet except for the whisper of leaves.

These days I have a lot of free time after school and it's allowed me to appreciate the small things such as a cool breeze. It was just another thing I hadn't truly appreciated until it wasn't there any more.

Phibun life isn't exciting in the way it was in India where every day something crazy happened.

(I was thinking* the other day about how to describe India and the first word that popped into my head was intense. I remember feeling that it didn't have quite the impact that India deserves and that 'intense' is overused these days. We should probably save it for actually intense things. Not to describe a conversation or a movie ie "that movie was intense man" when what you really mean was that the movie was pretty interesting and you managed to not fall asleep half way through.

*This was one of those thoughts that you don't realise you've had until you remember it later. Sometimes I think there are about ten tabs open in my brain at any given time.)

Any way back to having a lot of time... naturally this means time to think and most importantly, I've come to realise, time to be bored.

Most of us, myself included, tend to think being bored is a bad thing and try to avoid it as much as possible. Running from everyday mundaneity is partly the reason I wanted to travel. To break away from the 9-5 and fill life with as much as possible.

However I've come to realise the brief chapters of boredom are ok. It's during these still moments that all the good thinking happens. The mind has time to sort itself out and subconciously forms plans or analyses past decisions/conversations/actions and picks out pearls of wisdom to store away for the future.

Without this time to reflect we are just going through life packing it full of experiences but not learning anything. It's like shopping for the thrill of it without actually looking at what you've bought when you get home and what's the point of that? (I hate to use shopping as an analogy for life but you catch my drift I hope).

So what have I been doing in Thailand? I've been watching Rick and Morty and old Graham Norton episodes whilst eating single serve fluorescent fruit flavoured jelly on my Hello Kitty bed sheets. I've discovered new artists and music and read countless articles both trashy and academic.

I've spent evenings sipping iced chocolate with LS at our favourite cafe talking about everything from politics to bear puns, the Thai schooling system and dirty jokes.

I've written various rambles in my journal that will never see the light of day, tried my hand at sketching, written some terrible haikus and had my horizons widened by some great podcasters.

So even though there's nothing really that exciting to write home about I thought it was only honest to write about the quiet spells in between the excitement of travel because without these moments the other bits wouldn't have the same effect.

Most of the time we are just human beings not human doings and that's actually probably ok!

The view from my front door - Phibun Mangsahan, July 2017

#26 Thailand part 5: All-you-can-eat buffets are not a challenge and other lessons learnt.

Over the last month and a bit I've been trying to figure out why I really came to Thailand and thanks to bears I think I've figured it out.

I like to think that chapters in life have symbolism in them just like the movies and the theme for Thailand is most definitely bears.

It all started with a giant bear at the hotel in Bangkok that I convinced LS to pose for a photo with and continued on to Phibun Mangsahan. We kept noticing them on blankets, in cars, at school and at our favourite resturant Siri. I'm talking teddy bears of course - not real bears. That would be the beginning of a much more exciting blog.

After jokingly discussing this 'theme' with LS I decided to research what bear symbolism meant in the hope they were significant in some way and that their significance would give us some deeper level of understanding Thai life.

Whether you believe in this stuff or not, what I found gave me warm fuzzies, which coincidentally is exactly how I imagine being hugged by a bear would feel.

According to www.whatsmyspiritanimal.com -  a very reputable source - bears represent a time to be courageous. They also represent protection over children and apparently appear in a persons life when they are required to step into an authoritative role, engage and inspire. All quite relevant right now and I think it sums up exactly what the Thai chapter is all about.

I've had to become an authoratative figure in the classroom which is a skill I needed to learn. As for protection over children that's an obvious one. Teaching has meant I've had to dig deep down to find the courage to do something completely out of my comfort zone. As for engaging and inspiring, it's a great feeling when the students are enthusiastic about what you are trying to teach them. I've found that if you plan a lesson you are excited to deliver then that makes a huge difference.

Any way enough about bears and children. There were several other things that motivated this post.

Firstly I wanted to examine an aspect of travel that doesn't get talked about very much but is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

When travelling you interact with so many people with such vastly different backgrounds and people you have very little in common with except those core human traits that go beyond, age, race or religion.

These interactions, at least in my experience, often bring to light inequalities in such a way that it is impossible to ignore and even more impossible to know what to do about it.

Many of the people who have been so kind to me are unlikely to ever travel to New Zealand or any of the other countries I hope to visit. I probably won't be able to return their hospitality in the same way they welcomed me into their homes and countries.

When I think about this I feel a pang of what I can only describe as guilt. Why do I get this priveledge just because I was lucky enough to be born in a fairly wealthy, developed country to middle class parents? I don't know what to call this feeling and the closest thing I could find was white guilt. I looked into the concept and read a very interesting article about it from the perspective of an African American woman. Her take on white guilt was that it was a wholly self indulgent coping mechanism to remove yourself from the blame. A sort of "I can't be part of the problem because I'm feeling bad" type thing. I can see her point and makes a lot of sense. But the article didn't explain how to actually stop being part of the problem. I'd be interested to know what other people think about this.

Is white guilt the only term we have for that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when inequality stares you right in the face? How do we stop being so self indulgent and actually make some changes? I sincerely hope talking about this isn't coming from a self indulgent place and instead a curious place.

Perhaps the only way to deal with having that priveledge is to use it well and live life with only good intentions. To learn and experience as much as you can and try your best to see things from someone else's perspective. Make an effort to truly understand where someone is coming from. These are things I'll endeavor to live by for the rest of my travels and when I come home.

The other thing that motivated me to write was a particularly eventful weekend.

The other foreign teachers, who I will refer to as the United Nations of Phibun for future reference, and I went to an all-you-can-eat sushi bar in Ubon and into town for drinks afterwards to celebrate a birthday. We were intrigued by the promise of a Thai 'cowboy' club. Who wouldn't be with that description?

It turned out this was a bit misleading and there weren't any cow boys after all. Just non-stop over-the-top glittery Thai pop. There were Andy Warhol-esque paintings of The Beatles, Ghandi and Che Guervara on the walls but that was where anything vaguely familiar stopped. It was brilliant and bizarre. My favourite combination.

Later we moved on to another place at the suggestion of the UN of Phibuns' Thai friend. His brother would drive us. When we got to his truck it was clear we weren't all going to fit in the cab and some of us would have to ride on the back which we were all far too keen to do.

I never saw who was driving but it quite possibly could have been an actual enraged Grizzly Bear for all I knew (see what I did there? I'm trying to create some kind of connection for the sake of this somewhat disjointed piece). We later calculated he would have been driving at speeds of up to 160 kilometres an hour to get us where we were going in the time it took us but all's well that ends well. We arrived a bit wind swept but nevertheless alive.

When it came to getting a taxi home everyone was considerably sozzled especially our 20-year-old South African friend who I'll call Teacher Hungry or TH for short. We were about half way home when our taxi was pulled over by a police officer doing a routine check.

When he saw it was loaded with farangs (foreigners) his eyes lit up and he proceded to grill the poor girl sitting in the front seat about what we were doing going to Phibun Mangsahan. Completely understandable because it's not exactly a tourist hot spot. He wanted to see our passports but of course we didn't take them with us into town. Luckily we all had a drivers license on us which seemed to satisfy him.

Just as I was handing over my license TH projectile vomitted his all-you-can-eat sushi buffet all over the back seat. The police officer uttered a surprised and very restrained gasp of dismay. We all sat for a minute processing what had just happened and appreciating the volume of nori and rice that had just launched itself from TH's mouth. Thankfully the policeman took pity on us and let TH get out to clean up as best he could.

Despite it being quite a serious situation that had the potential to end badly, it was undeniably hilarious once the police officer let us go and we giggled all the way home, probably to the annoyance of the driver. We gave him a nice tip to make up for everything and to help with the clean up but I feel the indignity of cleaning up someone elses vomit is something that no amount of money can really make up for.

Several lessons were learnt that night. Don't actually eat ALL you can eat at an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet, and if you're going to drink afterwards, try to hold everything in until AFTER speaking with a police officer.

It seems strange to write a post that includes musings on the signifigance of bears, priveledge and a story about vomitting in a taxi but what the heck. Life is just a series of seemingly unrelated events that all wind up into one messy, confusing, wonderful experience and it's a lot of fun trying to work it all out.

The highly anticipated yet misleadingly described Thai 'cowboy' bar which turned out to be equally as bizarre as we had hoped.

#25 Thailand part 4: The first month

It's already been a month since I started teaching in Thailand and I'm mostly surprised by how much I still don't hate it.

When I first applied the thought of standing in front of 40 very small children every day in 30 + degree heat terrified me. I wouldn't say I love it but by my standards not hating a job is a definite win.

After a few weeks of feeling like I was in a bizarre dream I gradually settled in to a routine until one day I realised I was actually happy here - for now anyway!

Each day begins with a short scooter ride to school and morning assembly where we say Buddhist prayers and sing the national anthem. On Thursday's I'm on gate duty which means standing at the entrance to the school and welcoming all the kindergarten kids and their parents. They don't call Thailand the land of smiles for nothing. So many friendly smiles and greetings.

The rest of the morning is spent teaching at the kindergarten which involves a lot of singing, clapping and dancing around the classroom. It's quite fun being as silly as possible and I love me a bit of silly.

Then it's lunch time. To an outsider it's probably quite a comical scene. I eat with the rest of the students at a tiny little table with my knees up around my ears. The other teachers get to eat later at an adult sized table when the kids are having their afternoon nap but as the token Farang I just do as I'm told.

After lunch I teach the 6-8 year olds. They are little rat bags and will take any opportunity to be naughty especially if the Thai teacher doesn't show up. At first it worried me but I then realised there's no point worrying when this is completely out of my control. All I can do is be well prepared and present my lesson in the best way possible. The rest is up to the school and the students.

I'm not going to pretend I took the job for any other reason than my selfish obsession to travel as much as I can for as long as I want to. I knew at the time it wasn't fair on the students to have a teacher whose heart wasn't in it. Here I was with hardly any teaching experience and I didn't even like kids but it was either this or go home broke and unemployed.

However as time has gone by I think I understand the attraction to this career and I feel like I am putting some heart into it after all.

Whilst I know teaching is not something I would want to pursue in the future I think this experience is a good lesson/reminder that having a career which you find rewarding and stimulating is such a wonderful asset to life. It's a good feeling when the students learn something and you can walk away knowing you've given everything you've got to that class.

The evenings are usually spent eating dinner with LS. We made friends with a woman who can cook vegan food for LS and does tasty cheap meals for me. She also speaks good English as she has a Dutch husband which makes things easier.

LS and I had to do our visa run to Laos a few weeks ago. It was a fairly unexciting activity and involved a lot of different modes of transport, a good few hours at the Thai embassy, quite a few forms and sweating out a few litres of water but we got it done and we returned to Thailand with out Non immigrant B visas which means we can legally work in Thailand until August when we are required to renew it.

We stayed in a town called Savannahkhet which is just across the Thai-Laos border. It's a strange place with a mixture of very run down old buildings, a hint of French architecture and very upmarket places obviously catering to the visa run tourism industry. The only thing of interest was a very dilapidated Dinosaur museum but it was closed when we went to have a look.

All the rickshaw drivers knew why we were there and immediately would ask to take us to the embassy. Laos is surprisingly quite an expensive place so I chose to walk everywhere including for an hour in the heat to the embassy from my hotel.

LS and I stayed at different hotels as I wanted a cheap backpackers whilst she wanted a bit of luxury. The place I chose also happened to be the same place that a few other ESL teachers were also staying that weekend for the very same reason.

I went out with them one evening for a few drinks but it just reminded me why I don't do that very often. There was terrible Thai karaoke music, shallow conversation and I got hit on by a Laos woman which was rather awkward. It wasn't my scene at all but it was an experience and made me even more glad to have LS to talk to one on one on a regular basis.

Last week I came down with some kind of bug so I spent three days in bed feeling very sorry for myself. Of course, with so much time to think, I began to remember everything I missed about home.

I missed the ocean, the west coast sunsets, the seafood, the rain, the sausage rolls and bakery food, my family and all my friends. I missed the cities, Auckland and Wellington and the people in them and I even began to feel sad that I was missing out on Winter. It would be fun to wrap up in a hat and scarf and go for a long blustery walk along the beach with Dad and talk about everything under the watery winter sun.

Thankfully I knew this was just a result of being stuck inside away from people and feeling below average and I got through it by imagining now amazing it will feel to come home after a long time and really appreciate everything. Sure enough when I came right I no longer felt the urge to scroll through old photos and Google image search all my favourite places back home.

When I felt better I began to take notice of everything I am grateful for. When you have very little expectations you really appreciate the small things. After India and Nepal I am grateful for having my own hot shower, my own room, a double bed, good wifi, good food places close by, for having an income and English speaking friends. I am grateful for the weekends and for the heat and for the beautiful tropical jungle that surround our block of flats.

I'm grateful for the adorable kids at school and their smiling faces everyday and above all I'm so grateful that I decided to take the plunge, quit my job and go on this adventure.

I am exactly where I want to be.

Some of my kindergarten students

It's got nothing in the west coast sunsets back home but there is something magical about dusk in Phibun

A temple in Laos

Me and my little red scooter